family.

spent a whole hour with my grandmum.

the one who took care of me. the one who watch me grew. vertically and sideways.
it was a good chat, what with my uncle in hospital, sick with cancer.

we spoke about death.
how she wished the Lord would take her away.
I tried my best to rebuke those thoughts of course, though I'm sure I didn't sound very convincing.

I told her not to 'fong hei'. Not to give in, not to give up.
I told her, though she may be old at age, hard at hearing, difficulty in seeing, but certainly not at all hopeless at helping,

pray on, I said.

at this very moment Lord, we surrender to you.
Lord, we are indeed helpless,
Lord I know, that every word that we utter, You listen, You hear.

~~~~

Even as I go through difficult times such as these, its tempting to want to give in, to be the one who cracks under the pressure. The one who is offered a helping hand, instead of dispensing that helping hand.

But I know I can't. The family needs to be surrounded by those who will encourage them, not by those who see the worse in every situation, and has lost all sense of hope.

I pray that I will be one of them.

~~~

To hear my mama say she prays for me every morning, no words can describe that feeling.
Lord, I'm very blessed to have such a great grandmum,
Lord, I can never say enough to thank You.

To know that she thinks of me each day, is indeed wonderful feeling.
To find out that she prays for me as I study, as I work,
Lord, I don't want to dissapoint her.

~~~

Father, the pressure is great on me.

Lord, I pray for strength to bless my Mama, to love her, to acknowledge what she's done for me.

Lord, its going to be hard, as I leave for Melbourne once more.
As I leave my family behind,
As I fear the things that may occur through the year that I am away.

But Lord, I know that You will watch over my family as I am away. Like how you did through 2007.
Lord, every night as I tried to say my prayers before I went bed, indeed You listened.
Those prayers to see my mama healthy and alive, Lord, they were answered.

Lord, I can never thank You enough.

From the bottom of my heart I pray, Thank You.
Amen.