questions.

the past months have been mind boggling.

had my share of ups and downs.
well, they're not the typical downs one would associate with.
No, nothing out of the ordinary has happened,
in fact, one may say life has been been pretty much smooth sailing for me.

and for that i'm counting my blessings.

but one thing for sure,
a feeling of emptiness sometimes sweeps over me.

it clouds my judgement,
makes me ungrateful,
and causes me to sit at home and mope around all day.

i crave familiarity.
and sometimes with that familiarity,
i start taking it for granted.

for now,
life seems without meaning.

I know God is here,
I want to live for Him,
but it really is difficult to surrender.
give up things you hold so closely to heart.

i guess i've always been one to follow the crowd.
that makes living for Him more difficult.

God i need assurance from You.
I need confidence from You.

God help me to find that.

Help me to desire more of You.

and to stop being so self-centred.

This semester for me,
has been much of a struggle.

I'm in a divide,
between pursuing my dreams or rather the dreams of others.
God I pray that you'll place a burden in my heart,
to seek after You and Your ways.

For me, its just so easy to be swept away by the intricacies, or rather, the mundane-ness of life,
God I struggle to find that balance.

and QT hasn't been the greatest of times.

I read, I understand,
But there really is no personal conviction .
God, where for art Thou?

God I know You're there,
and I apologise for the many times, when I've been like Samuel,
ignorant to Your voice,
but please, do not turn my heart cold.

I've been reading the books of Samuel, and have now progressed through Kings,
A lot speaks about leadership,

and I am sometimes amazed.
Even today, when Solomon asks for wisdom,
God granted him his prayers,
His prayers weren't self seeking,
Instead of asking for his name to be glorified,
He asked for wisdom to watch over his flock.

That's pretty awesome.

God, I'm sorry for allowing pride get in the way,
For wanting my name to be glorified instead of yours,

I pray for humility.

God more of these mornings of self reflection please.
God, indeed You are awesome.

LOVE.