real life.

Learning to breathe

I'm learning to crawl

I'm finding that You and You alone can break my fall

I'm living again, awake and alive

I'm dying to breathe in these abundant skies

Hello, good morning, how you been?

Yesterday left my head kicked in

I never, never thought that I would fall like that

Never knew that I could hurt this bad

Learning to Breathe, Switchfoot

Nothing materialised. suprise suprise!

It felt as if * was doing me a favour.

After many calls/ texts for a movie 'date', * replied.

Not out of desperation, rather it was a wanting to watch EP with the sister.

So of course, I had to ask for the second time whether * was really up for the movie.

'Definitely'.

So I said, let me know when.

On v-day, * texted to ask whether I wanted to watch Steve.

'Yeayea, sure' I said.

So it happened. * picked me up. Watched the movie. Without a word, dropped me home right after.

what the heck?

No, I wasn't wishing that we'll start making out in the back seat, or anything as gross as that,

But I thought maybe we could have at chilled and talked a bit more?

A case of my heart leading my head on.

I've never felt so stupid in my life.

And I never want to feel that way again.

~~~

So I told Cheh, that 'hey, at least there's more or less closure to this friendship'. At least I'm not left wanting/wishing/waiting/hoping.

I told I was so completely OVER *

~~~

But noooo, I was so WRONG.

I went to youf thinking it'll be a good time to say my goodbyes,

but i froze. i completely froze.

I was incapable of making small talk, lest decent conversations with the people there.

I ignored * completely.

I made a fool out of myself?

~~~

I hate falling in and out of 'love' this easily.

I hate these crushes. Those thoughts where I made myself believe that I made a 'connection' with that someone.

It happened once, and then again in the span of 6 months.

I've had enough.

~~~

How I wish I can point out all of *'s flaws.

How I wish * would do something for me to despise *.

But I've realised that'll be very immature of me.

*'s really a very nice person.

For someone to agree to watch a movie with me, knowing that I'll be leaving, and perhaps knowing I've got the hugest crush ever on him,

He is.

Hopefully * will find that someone.

and hopefully I will too.

~~~

I want that peace, knowing that us really wasn't meant to be.

and I don't want that to happen, only when * finds that someone.

I want it right now.

~~~

Friends,

it what we shall be.