lack of updates.

my part-time journal. just because I'm too lazy to pick up a pen to write.

life continues here.

not because life has been mundane. far from it.

this week, has been one with much drama.

first there was news from home, regarding big aunt.

then came the news about cousin. which made my imagination run wild. and I freaked myself out.

then right after wicked, I received a call informing me of the 'hoax'.

then there were questions of friendship and how much of a number 4 I really am.

hmm.

I struggled a lot with emotions this week.

How to contain them, questioning myself why some arose, and trying to find calm in the midst of this storm.

There were also questions about God.

sorry for 'blaspheming' God!

but haiya. and I want to record these moments down just so I'll remember God's grace and faithfulness when the going gets tougher.

and service with Berteau preaching today was awesome.

'in-between'

it was a reminder.

I heard this message somewhere, who where I don't remember.

Its something I already knew, but clearly something which I allowed myself to forget as the months went by.

How Jacob, Abraham before seeing the fulfillment of God's promises went through difficult horrendous times.

and yea, sometimes, I question myself, how/why am I going through such times, and I've got to remember that all this is going to help me win 'this' crown.

a crown which I am able to lay at His feet. (as paraphrased from Revelations something)

To make him proud.

which brings to mind, the verse, where Daddy Father will say, 'well done, good and faithful servant'.

haih. keep the faith!

and practise grace!

oh yea, regarding that incident,

there was a little resentment,

and I read from mal's blog i think where it said, its a good time to practise what we preach, Grace,

easier said then done.

i struggled to come to terms with the incident.

though i did tell the many who asked, i felt nothing because i was never under his care,

I felt the pain of those who have been impacted by his ministry,

and over the next few days,

I held on to those unhealthy feelings. I had to remind myself constantly that he was only human, 'as sung by mraz', haha, but I wasn't able to convince myself.

it was only those articles which gave me peace and more insight into the situation.

I can only pray.

oh and regards to the number 4 situation.

it really was my fault i don't deny.

I need to start picking my phone up more often, and becoming less of a social facebooking stalker hermit.

and I need more real live action.

i need to start putting more effort into my friendships.

phones are not only to be picked up, but also to call.

: )

xoxo.