lives lessons.

its that time of the year again.

history repeats itself.

i wish i didn't allow myself to crush on someone so easily.

thank God I am nowhere close to the point of obsession.

and i thank God that this has allowed me to rekindle that friendship with a very dear friend of mine, whom i have taken for granted for a very long time.
always treating her as that shopping companion, and my plan b if all else fails.
tonight i realised, that she will always be there for me regardless.

not because she has a handful of friends,
but i know, she is someone whom i can count on regardless.

thank you and thank You!

'the only thing you have in common with each other is each other'

: )


its silly of me to want to avoid *

and like she said,
though i may not know,
and even if its a one way thing,
at least * doesn't find me repulsive.

comforting i guess.

i can't keep running away from such feelings,
and choose to ignore the feelings that i have for *
or wish it to vanish in a night.
all i can do is make the best out of things right now.
to really enjoy the friendship while it is there.

my last month last year was a terrible month for me.
wanting to return to melb as a mean of escape from reality,
i left feeling unsettled.
it took me a good half year, before i began to embrace melb again.

i will not allow this to happen.
and by the grace of God, it will not.
i will not allow a boy to put me through another half year of hell.
it was not worth it.

but that doesnt mean i am going to shut myself from feeling again.
haha.
that was what i did last year as well.
i was cold, and i was numb, i was stupid.
because i stopped responding to love, i stopped responding to God.

history will not repeat itself.

~~~
you know what i'm afraid of,
i'm afraid of being hurt.
hence, i'm commitment-phobic.

i'm such a confused soul,
as much as i'll love being in a relationship,
i'm afraid of being in one.
as much as i'll love to have a friend to call at anytime of the day, someone to call a bestfriend,
i choose not to,
all because i'm afraid the other will leave.

~~~
i'm stupid aren't i?

i have to stop being such coward.
and face up to reality,
and make the best out of any situation i am in.

~~~
King Solomon.
instead of riches, he asked for wisdom.
instead of choosing to live a cushy comfortable life, and ignoring his sheep,
he knew he was responsible for a nation.
he knew it wasn't going to be easy.
hence his request.

cg leading is not going to be easy.
its not going to be a bed of roses for sure,
pray and ask for wisdom. remember!