before my memory fails me.

on wednesday, i spent a good 3 hours with N*
it was good in some ways, and absolutely horrendous in others.

haha, if anyone, he is to be blamed if i do choose the path of 'enemies, frustration, frugality'
its good to know that there are people around me who are as passionate as i am to return to homeland, to make a change, to fight for those who do not have a voice, to 'right what is wrong'.

the 3 hours spent together inspired me to do something about my dream, the 'burden' i carry for injustice.
discussing politics, discussing finding our footing in life,
we bonded.

i've had enough of my 'all talk, no do' attitude,
and i intend to do something about it.

and yesterday, he offered to hook me up with a friend who is with mpcc.

sigh..

and on saturday, i told someone off for littering.
and i've been telling others my story since,
in hopes to inspire others.

its been a while since I prayed.
and today I did.
and I finally did my qt.

i came to the realisation, minutes ago, that the past few days I may have been 'self-righteous'
after the incident on Saturday, I volunteered at the marathon,

'doing good',and telling others about it,
it made me feel proud, high and mighty,
urgh.
VERY BAD.

so today, i read my utmost,
ohmygosh, the story sounds familiar

Moses saw the oppression of his people and felt certain that he was the one to deliver them, and in the righteous indignation of his own spirit he started to right their wrongs...

In the beginning Moses had realized that was the one to deliver the people, but he had to be trained and disciplined by God first. He was right in his individual perspective, but he was not the person for the work until he had learned true

fellowship and oneness with God

sigh the past few days, i've not prayed proper,

i've not seeked real intimacy with God,

running on my own strength,

not realising and asking where His heart, and place is for me.

Thinking what I was doing was noble,

instead, I might have been running around in circles, instead of in the direction of the finish line.

I need to pray, seek and ask,

His plans for me.

To God be the glory and honour, Amen.

oh, and now i've got some sort of ginormous crush on N.

sigh, i need to sort my feelings out.