Priorities.

its been a while since i last wrote,
before i allow my thoughts to drift further,
as fresh as it is now in my mind,
so i want it to remain forever.

today, ps ns spoke,

are we allowing our baggage/betrayal tohold us back from further intimacy with God?

it raised the important issue of how I have allowed myself to be consumed by 'doing life',
i.e. networking, using lethargy after a long day of work as an excuse to do my quiet time, to allow for self reflection, and commeding myself for it.

I felt disgusted with myself the entire week.
having only prayed once, and rushing throuhg a bible reading because 'i was tired',

i cannot allow such things to stand in my way of seeking God, of loving Him more.
It wasn't guilt which made me at such unease with myself,
i knew something was clearly wrong,
it showed in my interactions.
I felt I allowed my passion to be dictated by my surroundings,
once again conforming to the 'patterns of this world',
losing my God given individuality.

i wanted to say the right things,
but I felt like such a hypocrite,
knowing that i've not been practising what I preached.

I cannot allow my priorities to be messed up like this again.

A relatinoship with God comes first,
and all else after.
No boy, no friendship, no problems, should stand in the way of my pursuit of God and His heart.