Elaborate.

This blog has recorded the lowest points in my life.
As such this post is no different from the rest.

Am I resigned to my fate?

No, I trust that I have whatever remaining energy in me to fight on till the very end.

I am torn, disparaged by the circumstances, that sometimes I doubt that I will ever recover.

These days, I struggle to form a coherent sentence to express my wildest dreams.

I am beset by my many problems.

Every hour I wish that the 2010 I live now is merely a nightmare, a foreshadow to my comatosed self of the dangerous swells in seemingly calm seas.

My present self sometimes finds no reason to continue with life. Disengaged and detached from the world, from society I have contemplated thoughts of self harm, of which I have obviously not followed through.

Is there a precipice where one falls from, only to wake to find you've been caught in a bed of green moss?
Your head is heavy with amnesia, a hazy cloud of regret contaminates the memory, you grope your way as you slowly lose sight, where is the way out?

Round xx

I'm precariously close to the edge again.

This morning it struck me that I am who I was 4 years ago, except less happier, and worryingly close to hitting rock bottom.

The past is behind me, and there is nothing I can do to alter the decision I have made before, what I can do for myself is to choose to rise beyond the ashes, and search for victory.

God, give me strength as I face today's problems.

Amen.

And it all came tumbling down.

It feels I've lost EVERYTHING I've ever worked for.

The things that helped build my repute has crumbled.
All this while I thought I had my life together, I had my dreams, my goals,
and I felt as if I was on track to being one of those success stories.

I know I can't allow this to knock me down like this,
BUT GOD WHAT IF SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T FIGHT ON ANYMORE.

Maybe you've got nothing left to fight for.

I've Lost Myself.

Its been so long since I've felt inspired to write.

It seems I've damned myself to nothingness this year.

God, from the depths of my heart I cry out.
Please help.

Increasingly emotional.

I just sent my mom an incredibly worrying text.

But I'm at wits end, I know I got myself into this rut, and I don't have anyone else to blame when I present my results shame faced to my classmates and my advisor.

I've shamed myself, my family, everything I've worked for.

A sad face cannot adequately express how SHIT I feel right now.

I really can't do this anymore even though I want it.

Cold Snap.

I screwed up.
I don't think I can hold it on my own anymore.
God please hear my cries, please come through please :(
Amen.

Stepping Up.

I feel like such a failure.

Instead of moping, I am going to have to bounce up and get back on my feet.
What a horrid year this has turned out to be :(
God help me get over myself please Amen.