tonight's the night.

grad party!

jmah,jess, luc at koko black.
on the tab.
free flow of drinks, ie chocolate induced 'high' moments.

initially, i was ever so reluctant to lift my head off the pillow.

i trudged out of my house, took that 20 minute walk to collins.
and walked home with lel. with me chattering away non-stop.
blame it on the iced chocolate, and the many chocolates served.

hmmm.
it was indeed a veryvery short night.
2 hours long.

sighums.
i still have that crush on that certain someone.
if only he knew.

piakpiak was there.
first full blown convo with her.
mlysn politics.

and only a few days ago, or rather the past week(S),
i struggled with having to live a life without a dream, a passion.

and that time with her reiignited my fire, 'mission' maybe.
so God does work in mysterious ways.
and no, it wasn't one of those times where I had to 'fake' my interests to seem interesting.
it really was a flash of my old self.

I hope this works out.
At least I know who to turn to if I needed help in getting started.

'This is what the Lord Almighty says: 'Administer true justice; show mercy and compassion to one another'

Zechariah 7:9

time to get involved again?

pray, J, pray.

pray for the politicians who are Christians,

who struggle to find their footing,

who struggle and see 'no fruit'.

YOU CAN DO IT!

lack of updates.

my part-time journal. just because I'm too lazy to pick up a pen to write.

life continues here.

not because life has been mundane. far from it.

this week, has been one with much drama.

first there was news from home, regarding big aunt.

then came the news about cousin. which made my imagination run wild. and I freaked myself out.

then right after wicked, I received a call informing me of the 'hoax'.

then there were questions of friendship and how much of a number 4 I really am.

hmm.

I struggled a lot with emotions this week.

How to contain them, questioning myself why some arose, and trying to find calm in the midst of this storm.

There were also questions about God.

sorry for 'blaspheming' God!

but haiya. and I want to record these moments down just so I'll remember God's grace and faithfulness when the going gets tougher.

and service with Berteau preaching today was awesome.

'in-between'

it was a reminder.

I heard this message somewhere, who where I don't remember.

Its something I already knew, but clearly something which I allowed myself to forget as the months went by.

How Jacob, Abraham before seeing the fulfillment of God's promises went through difficult horrendous times.

and yea, sometimes, I question myself, how/why am I going through such times, and I've got to remember that all this is going to help me win 'this' crown.

a crown which I am able to lay at His feet. (as paraphrased from Revelations something)

To make him proud.

which brings to mind, the verse, where Daddy Father will say, 'well done, good and faithful servant'.

haih. keep the faith!

and practise grace!

oh yea, regarding that incident,

there was a little resentment,

and I read from mal's blog i think where it said, its a good time to practise what we preach, Grace,

easier said then done.

i struggled to come to terms with the incident.

though i did tell the many who asked, i felt nothing because i was never under his care,

I felt the pain of those who have been impacted by his ministry,

and over the next few days,

I held on to those unhealthy feelings. I had to remind myself constantly that he was only human, 'as sung by mraz', haha, but I wasn't able to convince myself.

it was only those articles which gave me peace and more insight into the situation.

I can only pray.

oh and regards to the number 4 situation.

it really was my fault i don't deny.

I need to start picking my phone up more often, and becoming less of a social facebooking stalker hermit.

and I need more real live action.

i need to start putting more effort into my friendships.

phones are not only to be picked up, but also to call.

: )

xoxo.

my cup overflowth.

I don't think 'doing good' should be a struggle.
I don't think I can only 'do good' when I feel like it.

I think it comes with seeking, and praying, and having that intimacy with God.
Let my cup overflow.

BE INSPIRED!

rebound.

so a friend of mine, whom i care so deeply about, who ended a relationship with her boyfriend of 7 months not too long ago, has just got together with someone who's 24, and still hanging out with a bunch of 20 year olds.

okay, so when i heard, i wasn't too sure whether its true.
I still don't know still.

sigh.
it feels like i'm no longer in a position to advise her, seeing how far we've drifted apart this semester, and circumstances do not permit me to bring it up seeing how I heard this from a second party.

Hence, I really should pray about it.

Hearing about this, and worrying about it, made me think.

seeking human solutions to so human problems has been such a norm, I've forgotten to bring God into the picture.
It made me realise how dependent i am on my own strength, and reducing God as my source of 'back-up power'.

sigh, I need to realise, regardless of how tempting it is to result to my own strength right now, its on the expense of my friendship.
I reallyreally need to pray.

Please. train yourself to pray.

boys are stupid.

blame the raging hormones.
but it feels like time again.

i've been on a hiatus for hte past 7 months.
it took me that long to get over j*. he must have been someone hasn't he?haha.
some reason, some part of me is still hoping for something to happen .
its that idealistic side of me.
not only is j* cute in the boyish, innocent way, he plays the electric.
psstt.hahaha.
but i know that both of us will never be.
so goodbye j*.

sighhh, and now there's this new boy in town.
i haven't the slightest idea who he is.
he looks really quiet and mysterious.
someone i'll love to get to know.

but i know things like these dont work out.
where and when both parties have ulterior motives.
you only want to show your best side(s) to the other.

oh besides the new boy, there's this old boy.
i've always had a thing for him .
hahaha.
and i kinda weirded it out between us.
instead of being myself, i'm all shy around him, and am on my best behaviour.

hoooboy.

ready to paint the town red again?
hahaha.

God, help me watch my heart.

Thank You.