lives lessons.

its that time of the year again.

history repeats itself.

i wish i didn't allow myself to crush on someone so easily.

thank God I am nowhere close to the point of obsession.

and i thank God that this has allowed me to rekindle that friendship with a very dear friend of mine, whom i have taken for granted for a very long time.
always treating her as that shopping companion, and my plan b if all else fails.
tonight i realised, that she will always be there for me regardless.

not because she has a handful of friends,
but i know, she is someone whom i can count on regardless.

thank you and thank You!

'the only thing you have in common with each other is each other'

: )


its silly of me to want to avoid *

and like she said,
though i may not know,
and even if its a one way thing,
at least * doesn't find me repulsive.

comforting i guess.

i can't keep running away from such feelings,
and choose to ignore the feelings that i have for *
or wish it to vanish in a night.
all i can do is make the best out of things right now.
to really enjoy the friendship while it is there.

my last month last year was a terrible month for me.
wanting to return to melb as a mean of escape from reality,
i left feeling unsettled.
it took me a good half year, before i began to embrace melb again.

i will not allow this to happen.
and by the grace of God, it will not.
i will not allow a boy to put me through another half year of hell.
it was not worth it.

but that doesnt mean i am going to shut myself from feeling again.
haha.
that was what i did last year as well.
i was cold, and i was numb, i was stupid.
because i stopped responding to love, i stopped responding to God.

history will not repeat itself.

~~~
you know what i'm afraid of,
i'm afraid of being hurt.
hence, i'm commitment-phobic.

i'm such a confused soul,
as much as i'll love being in a relationship,
i'm afraid of being in one.
as much as i'll love to have a friend to call at anytime of the day, someone to call a bestfriend,
i choose not to,
all because i'm afraid the other will leave.

~~~
i'm stupid aren't i?

i have to stop being such coward.
and face up to reality,
and make the best out of any situation i am in.

~~~
King Solomon.
instead of riches, he asked for wisdom.
instead of choosing to live a cushy comfortable life, and ignoring his sheep,
he knew he was responsible for a nation.
he knew it wasn't going to be easy.
hence his request.

cg leading is not going to be easy.
its not going to be a bed of roses for sure,
pray and ask for wisdom. remember!

live and let live.

so it is true,

God and life are not meant to be lived in isolation.
they go hand in hand.

here's what oswald says.
so much for those troubled nights,

haha.

Thank You for that timely reminder,
: )

Yet some of us seem to jump like spiritual frogs from worship to waiting, and from waiting to work. God’s idea is that the three should go together as one. They were always together in the life of our Lord and in perfect harmony. It is a discipline that must be developed; it will not happen overnight.

0swald Chambers, 06 Jan 09'